sometimes

sometimes it feels like i'm no longer able to enjoy what used to make me so happy.

just life, the earth, friendships, breezy blue skies.

things are so congested, it seems. maybe that's what growing up is all about.

perhaps that's why we have kids, so we can relive a life that passed by the way side, but why?

it seems to me that many of my contemporaries have it much easier than I

perhaps i'm simply ill, unable to instill within myself a true view of what is real.

perhaps I lie, keep myself in denial, so that i can run toward something i believe must be correct and true.

but who am i to dictate to myself who and what i must be in every category of instilled existence?

is it so wrong to write a song and sit between the gusts of bursting wind experiencing all that once was meant to be?

but there's no future in just trailing behind, is that a lie? how have so many others done what they did and become who they were without the help of over-exertion?

i care about politics and freedom of speech.

i drive my car from one side of the planet to the other and my carbon footprint grows bigger every week

but that's all bullshit anyway, right? because volcanos are much larger than we are, and most of the CO2 exerted from their blazing peaks has nothing to do with fossil fuels.

shit. i'll return in the meantime keep yourself at bay. don't let your outer world control the passion deep within you.

base level potentiality

essentially there is a base level of existence. energy in it's purest form. [energy is certainly not the correct word, as this is energy beyond anything we have encountered. it is referred to as energy, though "potential" would be a better term to describe it.] this energy [potential] is all that is. nothing can be outside of this energy or apart from this energy because it is all-encompassing.  quantum activity occurs on the surface of this base level. "sparks" occur, producing time and material mass. from these "sparks" are billions upon billlions of smaller "sparks". this base energy is finitely infinite, as it is all encompassing and has no true size or shape, but, being boundless, cannot be measured and thusly it cannot be assumed that it grows, shrinks,
quantum "sparks" leap from the surface of this base energy and return to potentiality. time is the distance between the prolapse and collapse of these small archs; spark, leap, singularity [realignment with the source.] the quantum activity occurring on each spark is "creation/existence", or quantum activity occurring through the inference of "time" and "space" rather than quantum activity occurring through a timeless, formless experience.
entropy is undeniable, each spark must return to the source, for this source is all that is. but the source always is, so entropy is reversed as soon as reverse is no longer necessary. "rebirth"

the universe is round, or more descriptively "spherical", at least through a 3-dimensional perspective.

1D - the universe is a line
2D - the universe is a circle
3D - the universe is a sphere

how many variations of this universe can exist? the question is unfathomable, so the answer is, politely, infinite. these variations all lie on top of one another, occurring in the same "space" at the same "time". every variation that could and could not exist does exist simultaneously.

our predicament; we think time is real. we cannot shake this thought because it is simply unshakable. we exist in time, certainly, and thusly time is a major part of our everyday perception of reality; but for how long?

within ourselves lies this infinite potential, because we are all part of it. all things that exist exist based on quantum activity occurring throughout this infinite potential. because we exist in "time", or "separated" from this potential, it's difficult for us to see that it's there. but we can feel it, an intimate connection with something greater than we could ever become. we are separate only due to quantum "effects" which, due to our perception, seem to be what actually is. in theory, you could state that everything that "is" according to perception is not. it's just fireworks. everything that actually is lies within us, for we are a projection and working piece of this infinite potential. all that exists are our thoughts. with our thoughts we create the world. with our emotions we experience our thoughts and decide whether to experience in detail their quantum truth, or to dismiss these thoughts as rubbish; a faulty fractal in a sea of limitless potentiality.

Posted via web from hi2u, posterous

schedule

this is for record;

recently and FINALLY quit mcdonald's. overall analysis; FUCK THAT PLACE, but it wasn't so bad in the end. in fact, if it were not for the better opportunity i most likely would have stayed there, and in the case that they rehire me for breaks i will most likely go back at least for a few shifts per week.

new job:
name: HOSHUN chinese/japanese restaurant located on St. Charles Avenue in New Orleans
job: waiting tables/expoing food
general pay: expo: $7.25/hour ; waiting: $2.13/hour +11% commission on all sales +tips
NOTE: working for the chinese is EXACTLY HOW YOU THINK IT IS!

new semester; fall 2009:
school: nicholls state university
major: secondary science education
specialization: earth and space science
classes:
-English 256 Poetry and Literature
-Biology 156 General Biology II Lecture
-Biology 156 General Biology II Lab
-History 150 Western Civilization
-Speech 101 Fundamentals of Public Speech
credit hours: 13

SCHEDULE:
monday:
10:30am - 6:30pm @ Hoshun
tuesday:
7:30pm - English 256 Poetry and Literature
10:30pm - Biology 156 General Biology II Lecture
1:30pm - Biology 156 General Biology II Lab
6:00pm - History 150 Western Civilization
wednesday:
10:30am - 6:30pm @ Hoshun
thursday:
7:30pm - English 256 Poetry and Literature
10:30pm - Biology 156 General Biology II Lecture
6:00pm - Speech 101 Fundamentals of Public Speech
friday:
10:30am - 6:30pm @ Hoshun
saturday:
study; attempt to have a functional life
sunday:
6:00pm - 2:00am @ Hoshun

god help me

new tracks for your mindbrains

enjoy more at http://www.myspace.com/silencemastery

Rip A Hip Chip Dip Flip by Frank Dinicola  
Download now or listen on posterous

rip a hip chip dip flip .mp3 (3631 KB)

Wtf Is That Thing by Frank Dinicola  
Download now or listen on posterous

wtf is that thing.mp3 (1834 KB)

Posted via email from laserblast's posterous

let me count the ways

Whoiam by Frank Dinicola  
Download now or listen on posterous

whoiamWIP.mp3 (6427 KB)

WARNING: WORK IN PROGRESS!
other works can be found @ http://www.myspace.com/silencemastery

Posted via email from laserblast's posterous

taking control

at the beginning of the summer this grand year i committed myself to an apartment in which i now reside. my rent is relatively low [$310] and through small efforts i have managed to keep my utilities to around $140. jobs had become scarce due to the ECONOMIC RECESSION so i took the one job offer that presented itself and became a full time employee at a mcdonald's franchise in luling, louisiana.

the entire summer was spent in this mcdonald's. working between 28 and 39 hours per week i was able to not only make me rent but feed and clothe myself quite sufficiently. now that school has started i have begun regretting ever spending money. everything that i do makes me so nervous that perhaps this one thing will be the thing that ruins me.

i'm afraid of failure.

my wonderful girlfriend and i have had jobs together for the past year; mcdonald's was no exception. as shitty as the job was, to be able to look from the grill and see her beautiful face was enough to bring a smile to mine. it was a constant reminder that i was working for both of us, and that there was purpose to even the crappiest things i had to do.

novelty wears off. school began, rachel can no longer work at mcdonald's during the week due to classes. i produce a schedule that will allow me to work mondays wednesdays fridays & saturdays while schooling and studying tuesdays thursdays and sundays.

i'm also afraid to be alone.

last weekend i was hired as a waiter, the job in which i have the most experience, at a restaurant called "Hoshun" on St. Charles Ave. [one of the major streets in our wonderfully filthy NEW ORLEANS!]. i felt terrible for leaving mcdonald's on such short notice and told my new boss that i would need 2 weeks to quit mcdonald's.

now that i think about it:

i was told i would be getting a raise and never did.
everyone that works at that place is a ghettofied asshole.
i can feel my brain rotting away every second that i'm between the walls.
i'm over-worked and under-paid.
the more work i do the stupider i am due to the fact that i don't get paid more.
the only time i can work is 4 - 6am to 3 - 5pm monday wednesday and friday.
i make an average of $250 a week over the summer; that means that now i will be making somewhere closer to $200 or $175 per week.

Hoshun has stated that the average tip range per shift is about $100. i actually do believe that due to the great location and the classy clientelle.

in short; i didn't go to work at 4am today. in fact, i smiled in my sleep and they called and called endlessly, never reaching a soul. i feel that i have freed myself from something that has been controlling me, like i'm finally taking control over my situation.

the next few weeks may be rough, but i have friends and family if i need help.

thanks for listening, blooger.

cynicism

NASA Plans to De-Orbit ISS in 2016

http://science.slashdot.org/story/09/07/13/1330220/NASA-Plans-to-De-Orbit-ISS-in-2016?from=rss

"this is ridiculous, but not completely surprising. there could be ideas for a larger, newer space station with a more logical docking system, or even just something more modern and updated to cater to the ideals of the world's future space explorators. the ISS was mainly built for experiments in zero gravity and to study the effect of long term space exposure to the human body. while it may seem like a total waste, there is no way to get the station back to earth without completely destroying it. the destruction of the system will only lead to bigger, more useful future endeavors."

i have come to realize that the world is such a simple place. we are all so cynical, or maybe i'm just speaking about myself.

in this period of time our ability to communicate with each other has been massively enhanced. not only do we have the internet, computers, recording devices, televisions, thousands of applications, programs, electronic instruments, gaming systems, remote controlled everythings, cell phones...the list goes on and on. but before this particular time period there was no way to communicate in this mass. we have only had hard line phones for the past 50 or so years. it was only in the recent past that hard lined phone became a thing of the past.

we are at the beginning of a long road of inner self and galactic exploration. we're in a social waiting period, that's why obesity is so high, why we are able to sit around with nothing to do, and why we are being given the freedom to find out what it is we want to do.

i remember the 80's, my NES, and SEGA Genesis, trading baseball cards, playing outside, crappy graphics, the internet-less life...the world has changed so much since my memories began. it's very exciting and fascinating. it's also kind of frightening.

when will it all change? who knows. it might not be until our children have children. it could be two years from now. could already be in motion. but the change is coming. it's not and perhaps it has never been a question of "if" but when it will happen. will it be a swift, over-encompassing change or will it be a slow, eventual evolution? the possibilities are so infinite and endless that it's really impossible to know.

i suppose that's why pondering the future is slightly insane. there's no real way to predict the outcome of anything [unless you're a psychic i guess]. all you can really do is strive forward with an open mind, take care of your mind and your body, and prepare yourself for any situation that may arise.

to say the least, if aliens attack tomorrow, do you know what you're going to do?

i do.

but then again it all depends on what kind of aliens they are, right? once again, the possibilities become endless. lawd.

kinda seems useless for me to write this.

it's kind of funny for me to think of the fact that here in the present i'm placing down a transcript that will one day be tracked, read, and analyzed. one day people will study this internet after it has been closed down. someone will see this and billions of other blogs just like it. what are they going to learn? will any of this matter or will it all just be lost? will someone be enlightened? will someone be disgusted?

does any of that even matter?

perhaps what i'm feeling is not cynicism, perhaps it's introspected questioning.

then again, perhaps it is cynicism.

the world is a wonderful place. sometimes it's just nice to write something, let the words flow from deep within your psyche with little thought or understanding of where or why the thoughts come. it allows you to pull back from your environment, your problems, your reality, and to experience life as a unit of the world, to see into the possibilities of infinity, and to express your wishes for the future to behold.